Congratulations on beginning this journey! And welcome to the community!

I'm AFAB and I've been on T for about three months. I've been out as agender for almost six years. As trans-masc for several months--since slightly before going on T. I've told everyone who matters but for my mother. Didn't want to do it, period, because ... DISCUSSION OF STUFF. Not that my mother has been awful about the other out-comings (she hasn't). But, eh. TALKING about stuff. Bleh. But the longer I'm on T, though, and the more I get used to the physical and emotional changes, the less apprehensive about telling her. And it really IS becoming: "I hate discussing ME with my MOTHER or ANYONE" rather than "I fear my mother's response."

I think with a wife it'd be better, definitely, to discuss your plans with her before you start. If only because her response will likely be better if she feels you value her input regarding a huge change. It's not ASKING, but explaining and keeping her in the know. Letting her know who you are before you let the rest of the world know. That, alone, will make a HUGE difference in how your relationship changes, whether you stay together or not. You may not be the "man" she married, but you'll be the same person who's loved and been honest with her.

And telling her before HRT, of course, means you're telling her: "I trust you enough to give you a chance to be the person I KNOW you are ... the person who loves me no matter what."

That's NOT a terrible strategy, as these things go. When given a chance to be who we think they are, loved ones can rise to and surpass that challenge simply because we display that faith in them.

All that said ... CONGRATULATIONS. I hope your journey is full of both comfort and wonder, joy and discovery. Mine has been, in a low-key way, and the simple act of taking the HRT step has help me concretize what other steps I might want to take in the future (i.e., top surgery). And when I look in the mirror now ... more and more, I see ME, and not just the lady-body I've for some reason been stashed in, like a square peg in an uncomfortable, dysphoric round cup. I'm becoming more me, and I wish the same for you. And that those you love come to accept and love and CELEBRATE the more you-you!