If you don’t have/seek consent to “show affection” but still “show” it . . . you’re a fucking asshole. My condolences.
Out of the mouth of Chnurk Mandog. Everyone, not just male-identified folks, take his very witty and entertaining and FUCKING TRUE-TRUTH to heart. Empathy and caring aren’t abstracts, they’re actions. If you don’t want it done unto you, then don’t do unto others.
Dear Mens: Your Greasy Demon Hands Are In Time Out
HELLO, FELLOW CISGENDERED MENS, It is I, your male-identifying cohort, Chnurk Mandog, and it's time we had a little…
Yep. All of that. Preach on, Brother Chnurk!
Seriously. Why is this so hard for so many men and yeah, some women, too? IT’S NOT “AFFECTION” IF THE PERSON YOU’RE TOUCHING DIDN’T GIVE EXPLICIT PERMISSION AND DOESN’T WANT IT. IT IS, IN FACT, ASSAULT.
When you force an unwanted and harmful touch — and yes, for a lot of people, unwanted touches are VERY harmful, and triggering and panic-causing ::raises hand with vigor:: — that is assault. Whether you mean it to be or not, when you override someone else’s agency or refuse to take it into consideration, even if you “mean well,” which is doubtful, you’re ASSAULTING SOMEONE. Is an unwanted hug as bad as a punch in the face? Or a kick in the ass? No. But it’s still not a right thing. Not a considerate thing. Not a good thing. ALL unwanted and unasked-for touches are BAD. No matter what you, the GIVER of said touch may think, whether or not you “mean well” or even care, the (would-be)RECEIVER has the right to say no. And that’s that. You don’t DESERVE an explanation or their life history. All YOU need to know, is NO. Immediate compliance with NO is mandatory. Explanation for it is not. The End.
(Meghan Trainor made a song about it, even.)
And when someone shows YOU the same courtesy in the future — by not hugging you unasked, by not punching you in the face if you’re rude, by not forcing sexual contact on you because you have a pulse and aren’t carrying a weapon — consider it a gift and an object lesson. Try to pay that consideration and respect forward. You are NOT the Overlord of Earth. You own nothing you haven’t paid for and that didn’t grow on your body. So, if it’s not your paid-for or grown-on shit, DON’T FUCKING TOUCH IT without fervent, explicit (right-minded/sober) consent. That’s a very good rule of thumb. Also, DON’T feed the goddamn parrots bits of danish.