. . . and I’m still crying over the fact that I had to say them. And in a safe-place, too. One I’d thought was understanding and accepting and empathetic. Open-eyed and open-hearted. Being wrong hurts so fucking much.
My response to a friend saying people taking a knee during the national anthem is “FUCKING STUPID”:
“I . . . disagree. To say the least. To say the very least. All times are a good time to protest injustice. I have literally never heard of a bad time for that. Even if there’s a gun to one’s head. Maybe especially if there’s a gun to one’s head. This country as a whole, which is represented by a flag (two of them, for some assholes who loooooooove their “history) and anthem to which nationalists love to pay lip-service to, but not uphold when the time comes, has done more to fuck people who look like me over than anything and everything else in the world. Like, if ALL someone is doing is taking a knee during the anthem and flag-hoisting, then America’s getting off fucking LIGHT. If someone sings a tribute to something that’s hurt me, I will not participate. THat’s what taking the knee is saying: “I protest your unfair and evil treatment of me, and how DARE you venerate a fucking SONG and turn a blind eye when teens lynch an eight year old on AMERICAN SOIL and cops murder innocents because of skin color? HOW. FUCKING. DARE YOU?” We all have our ways of showing dissent from an evil system. From a system that once fought Nazis and now says they’re “good people.” Kaepernick and others are taking a stand where others can see and be inspired and maybe fucking THINK about how it feels to have to sing an anthem and hold a flag (designed by a black woman) that does NOTHING to secure you justice, peace, safety, or equality, let alone the pursuit of happiness. Goddamn RIGHT that anthem should be protested. This nation hasn’t done anything to earn such a lofty set of words. Hasn’t done anything to live up to the promise of song or flag. It NEVER has if one isn’t a white cis male with some sort of money or at least earning potential. I wouldn’t Expect a Jew in Nazi Germany to salute the flag and the anthem of the time. All things considered, they might want to, just to not die horribly, but if they took a knee, I’d salute them for being patriots and not singing fucking SONGS about freedom while their country and the world go down the shitter. Do you have ANY idea how fucking TRIGGERING that stupid fucking song and stupid fucking flag are? Not because I “hate ‘Murrica’s freedom!” but because ‘Murrica hates mine. I don’t see the symbol of a nation I can love when I look at the flag. And I don’t hear the theme song I a nation I can love when I hear that song. I hear lies and sympathy for/appeasement of/siding with/basically BECOMING Nazis. I see the large part of MY COUNTRY willing to put a Nazi in office. Willing to follow his lead and take his claims that Nazis are “good people” and that such sympathies makes these supporters Nazis, themselves, because if you support and evil in any way instead of fighting it or dissenting, you are complicit in that evil. You ARE that evil. Anyone who supports a regime or any of its swag/marching-tunes, when that regime gives a thumbs-up to “good people” carrying torches and automatic weapons, and waving swastikas and fucking Confederate flags — the flags of the racist traitors who tried to destroy America and keep some of her people in chains FOREVER — is a fucking Nazi, too. And I could say “sympathizer” but I won’t. Because supporting Nazis is being a Nazi. So, I choose my words VERY purposely. We who’ve lived with this fucking double-standad shit the America throws around don’t have the luxury of not taking spotlight moments to dissent because it’s SPORTSBALL! or being soft on sympathizers. Because I might be next and they NEVER stop at just one person or group. THere’s ALWAYS someone next. Until there’s no one left. Anyone who takes a knee during the travesty of nationalism that happens before Sportsball or any other event has MY support. They’re patriots. They care that their country is hypocritical and they’re calling attention to that at the costs of their livelihoods, in Kaepernick’s case. I’m sorry that you look at all that and people kneeling to protest hundreds of years of injustice and inequality and all you see is a “fucking stupid” gesture. I guess that’s how most of America feels, and why there’ll never be just for people like me from this country. Because no matter how we dissent or protest, we’re stupid, ungrateful, or demanding too much. We’re not smiling and cooning while people lynch our children and murder us for not wanting to be murdered. We’re simply opting out of a song and people are spewing invective and misreading our intent and goals. Everyone’s opinions are their own and you’re certainly entitled. I don’t expect to change your mind. I didn’t just think that I’d have to say this stuff to anyone in this group. I thought you guys SAW. Even if you disagreed with the methods regarding efficacy, I thought you SAW. That I’d never have to say, “regardless of the venue or effectiveness, standing up or taking a knee for what’s right MATTERS. It’s all we have, sometimes, and more than most are willing to do, even in the name of equality and justice.” If we throw bombs at places, we’re violent and evil. If we protest civilly, taking knees and staging sit-ins and the like, we’re stupid. Is there nothing we can say and no way that is RIGHT ENOUGH to make our aims MATTER and IMPORTANT to everyone else? I mean, I pretty much know there isn’t. Nearly thirty-eight years on this lovely planet and I know there really isn’t. I just thought it was different here. That I didn’t have to be angry and on the defense about anything other than my sucky-ass (fandom) pairings. But that isn’t the reality and it hurts.”
Yep. Quack-quack-quack. Reality hurts. Everything hurts.