Trinibago-Bajan family, for me. I heard that I had "hard" hair, as opposed to softer hair, like some of my relatives or friends.

At this point, I dunno that I'll ever love my hair--it takes too much care and I don't want to waste any of my time caring for hair--but I no longer hate my hair. And wearing it natural is, by far, the easiest way to care for it.

I never heard much about features, other than some folks had "broad" noses. But the darker skinned women of my family got low-key shit on ... told they weren't "taking out women" and were meant to "be in the kitchen." My grandma's brother TOLD HER THAT once, while he was at HER TABLE eating HER FOOD that she'd been generous enough to cook for him and his light-skinned, TAKING OUT-WIFE. Who couldn't cook for shit and didn't work. MY GRANDMA did both like the BOSS she was.

There's more than just colorism but layered misogynoir, too, in many Black families. West Indian ones, too. That my great-uncle could so callously say something my grandma had probably never even heard from her most racist white boss ... say while eating her food in her house....

NONE of that pathology needs to be passed down to any child. GOOD ON YOU and your spouse for being so careful with and of her. Her as she is and her as she could be. Well done! And great article!